IM BACK

So i've been gone for a very long time. But im back now and im pretty sure i'll be having stuff to say. My life is a big fat mess right now. And im slowly putting it all back together. It just has to start flowing... any day now... and it will start. And when it does, its gonna be great.

risen from the dead

I STILL LIVE.

long time no write....

so i havent posted a blog in a while and it feels kind of strange to be writing again. maybe i havent posted one because i have no life. maybe because my life is over maybe because i just dont care. YO NO SE. lik i said havent really been doing anything besides class and working if im not at class and its before 11pm im usually at work. after 11pm im in my room.

so sophomore year is almost over CAN U BELIEVE IT i'll be a junior next yr. a junior in college. crazy aint it. and finals are comin up gotta get on that grind. i only got 2 meal swipes left gonna starve. i been hustling hard. got bills to pay and things to buy to survive.

i miss being home in my own house but i dont miss all the nonsense that camden brings. i miss my britt britt (newest edition to the sisterhood of DELTA SIGMA THETA SORORITY INC.) so proud of her and my other love Erwin AWWW. my latin lover has moved away with her husband and child to nowheresville and i will miss her terribly.

i gotta get a job (correction...JOBS) while im home this break i cant be in that house all day for 3 and a half months i might go crazy. ima miss my friends gotta make sure i come up to new brunswick to see my friends AT LEAST twice a month otherwise I KNOW i will go crazy.

still no love life haha wat a joke. i been downplayin that too. aint even off that shit. i do miss a few ppl. i do wish that some things would have worked however it was Gods will that they didnt. so i deal with it everyday.

LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATES...U NEVER KNOW WAT U GONNA GET

and with that i leave u for now, love mucho amor y besos franii

"this has nothing to do with u" [well wat the hell u callin me for]

So I haven't blogged in a while and mainly because I had nothing to talk. Nothing has been going on really. Work class homework. Nothing much. CUZ I HAVE NO LIFE. I went to the blue and white cabaret on Saturday night. like my first outing in a minute. Oh well I haven't missed anything. It was fun I guess. the pictures are up on facebook I HAD ON A DRESS AND HEELS SON. Lol but my real reason for blogging has to do with the quality of cheating being demolished by the newer generations.

I was recently informed of a form of "cheating" that one of my friends was doing. And I say "cheating" in quotation marks because these younglings do it all wrong. All this Pleasure P --- "Boyfriend # 2" nonsense. YOU NOT SUPPOSE TO LET PPL KNOW U DOIN WRONG. U should not be avoiding 20 calls and 50 text messages. Answer them FOOL. If u answer and u say where u are there will be no problems. U have to mix truth with lies boo. If all u say is lies you WILL get caught in a lie or worse-- caught in the act. I miss the days where people knew how to run game and not get caught. Where people knew how to cheat with 2 or 3 people and have no problems. I miss those days. Now these young people walking around acting like they on the show CHEATERS. Lol too much. Questions that need to be asked are:

1. Are yall really together

2. Is there a reason u giving him to cheat

3. Why don’t you trust him

4. Why don’t he want to be around your ass (lmao)

5.Why is it necessary to involve 5 of your friends

6. Why is it necessary to blame the girl -- she aint got shit to do with it UNLESS she …. NAH NAH she still aint got shit to do wit it

People are just so funny nowadays. Speaking of funny people. Isnt it a mess when someone you use to talk to who is an asshole tries to introduce you to one of his friends LIK COME ON lets be real here. Why would you do that. If I say "that’s fucked up" why would you be like "What? what? what did I do? why is it fucked up?" FREAKIN RETARD.

Andddd those boys that say reckless things and then try to act like it was nothing. Like they were "jk jk" boy please you was not playing when you said that. Its ok though I mean we all say reckless things sometimes but NO. lol

And I was hella mad yesterday. How you gonna send a text message at 1045 about a meeting at 11 when u half way across the world. IT WAS THE WEEKEND!! To get anywhere takes 45 minutes!!! There was no way I was gonna make it and I REALLY wanted to go.

• AND BEING POOR SUCKS.

• AND COLLEGE SUCKS.

• AND LIFE IS BLAH.

• Oh I cooked yesterday…arroz con gandules and bbq chicken … I only got 14 meal swipes left :(

• ITS SO NICE OUT BUT ITS LIKE 38 DEGREES…BOOOOOOOOOOO

• AND PEOPLE HATE ME….WAIT LOL THAT’S NOT A PROBLEM HEHE

• THE YOUNG BOUL I WANT KEEPS PLAYIN ME…. Not cool !!

• PEOPLE BEING MAD SHADY OUT THIS BITCH I cant stand Rutgers whoooo child.

• I'm hungry n I got to go to work after this class n before next class…

• YOUNG GIRLS AND DEATH STARES ARE HELLLA FUNNY

bored in class....

----Sitting in a room -----

Sitting in a room

Red sweater in a room full of

…… drab colors

Washed out and quiet

silent

Contemplating about dreams

Left unrealized

Lies

Never brought to light

PAUSE

The boy in the room that never speaks

Just spoke

And through his mouth came the words

Words one has yet to hear in this life time

Words that can make someone sell their soul

"This poem makes me think of…"

RESUME

You lost in thought

Thinking about

Life that has gone wrong

Kisses gone Uncherished

Hugs gone from memory

And the touch

His touch

A touch

Sitting in a room

blahhhhhh

today is april the 6th its a monday and it sucks. this weekend was GAT so mad it went badly. and my knee is still fucking hurting. yesterday was ok i was wit my ppls and femstar and jorge are now free yayy!!! spr 09 Alpha Psi. and shout out to dizzy's neos. its rainy today again wth is wit the nice day rain day nice day rain day weather. please mother earth STOP. we all gonna die. im so tired i was bullshittin last night and then doing my paper and talkin with my boys needless to say i only got 3 hrs of sleep and i have 3 classes today. i called outta work tho i just cant do that too i need to lay down i havent eaten anything either. im really bout to fall out. i need to go to my mailbox to get some packages but that involves walking being in the rain and JUST NO not today im so through and dimps phone is broken so i havent spoken to him my hair is straight and tthe rain is fuckin it up. theres a bumb on my wrist that reallly itches so i beeen scratchin and now my wrist is red. this classroom is hot. yo the probate last night was lik 98 degrees in that bitch. i really want some korean food today. the cabaret is this weekend. i get paid friday but im going to help jaynae pick up things for the baby shower and then we gonna get out nails done. thank god cuz i need a refill i been fuckin wit them and liftin up the acrylic maybe my toes. lets see how expense this gets. and virginia tech next weekend for the BIG EVENT long ass trip thank god i'll have my wife BBJ cuz i would kill myself otherwise ANYWAYS... yea so that my gats ass day hopefully tomorrow will be better my day starts at 9 tomorrow.. interesting im talkin bout tomorrow i aint even finish today yet lol

ughhh

did i mention i hate doing work in the library blahhh

"whats wrong wit ya foot???"

Well I haven't blogged for a while so I though I would post today. I haven't really been doing anything. JUST BEING CRIPPLED. AND ALONE. AND BUSY. And rethinking my life. I kind of think this is the turning pointing in my life. Time for me to start making my own decisions or act responsible.

My life has slowly been decaying. I feel like I'm dead. Like I'm just a body no soul no heart no nothing. And the weather makes me feel like mother earth knows how I feel. Sunny one day and cloudy the next.

People have been annoying me more then ever. Even my friends are annoying me. The best moment I had in a while was dinner Friday with my girls colleen and jess. Colleen came to visit us and then I got bodied [laugh out loud and shake your head]. That’s also the same day I became crippled. That’s why my ass don’t drink anymore. I'd rather sleep then hang out but then I miss the fact that I don’t hang out and I miss the pictures and the laughs --- I miss my friends. I miss the old me. The normal me.

Lovesong says I'm mean. I say I'm broken. Not intentionally I don’t think anyone broke me intentionally and I don’t think I broke myself nevertheless I'm broken. Like a television that has no signal that just is that blurry screen that makes that awful sound shchchshhchchchchshc.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS PAID PROGRAMMING!!!!!!!!

IOTA PHI THETA FRATERNITY INCORPORATED IS HAVING THEIR SPR 09 PROBATE AT LUCY STONE 7:30 PM THIS SUNDAY APRIL 5TH. BE THERE. SHOUT OUTS TO ALPHA PSI AND MY LOVES THAT BOUT TO DO THEY THING.

NOW BACK TO YOUR PROGRAM…..

My highlights recently:

Colleen visiting
Getting my new glasses
Seeing California
Talking to El Jefe at trabajo
Seeing my wife BBJ all the time
Deciding to go home this weekend
Seeing my SITO and his neos... I love them [shouts to KAPSI]
Getting bodied w/ coll and jess
"WHERE'S WALDO" -- STATE THEATRE AT 7:30 APRIL 2ND --thank god its almost over!!!!
The warm sunny spring day on March 31st
Wearing sweatpants
Seeing my cousin Kenny
Talking to mi loquita --amber
Knowing that Abril is alive and well
Knowing that summer is coming :) and yet dreading the end of the year and living in Camden :(

My sad moments:

Homework
Always being tired
My stupid phone
Never going out with my friends
Not talking to my butta
Reading for class not for fun
My "Black Lit 1930s - Present" class
Being poor
BEING CRIPPLED
Being away from my mom
Lying to people
Trusting certain people
Realizing that I have to start working out and speaking that G-Y-M word

like clockwork

so the past couple of days have been "gat" but i been making it through. Im so over rutgers i been having to schedule lunches and dinners with my friends just to see them. the sigmas crossed yesterday yay!!!! Steve Manny Rome Lamar and Matt!!!!! Spr 09 now we just gotta wait for everyone else to get off. samb ass niggas.... on another note

WHERE'S WALDO APR 2.
Blue and White Cabaret Apr 11.
Pretty Nasty party at Stockton Apr 10 [yup sito im advertising just for you!!]

And mr smith came back like clockwork calling me babe this and i love u that OH PLEASE NIGGA. i've heard it all before. i shut that down dumb quick im over it. threw wit it. that nigga is a samb ass nigga cuz the gattery that flows outta his mouth. ha!! not doin it anymore.

i been dying for some chik fil a. and i mean dying i NEED it asap and the closest one is menlo park mall. GAT!!

Return to Earth

well im back at RU and blah. its still sucky hasnt changed much. i have a "poppin" day tomorrow if i may use dimps word. 3 classes and work lord bless my soul. ughhhh.

Lost and Gained *names will be changed*

1. MR SMITH stole my heart which made me heartless
2. CRYBABY tried my patience which made me difficult
3. MR GET-IT-TOGETHER pushed me away which made me cold
4.YOUNG BOUL caught my eye which made me seduce
5. RUNNER tugged at my innocence which made me wild
6. BOYFRIEND [OF ANOTHER] desired which made me destroy
7. MR 2 captured my soul which made me weak
8. LIAR questioned my choices which made me smarter
9. TIC-4-TAC spoke sarcastically which made me laugh
10. LOVESONG challenged me which made me meaner
11. COMEDIAN destroyed my frown which made me smile
12. PRADA tested my commitment which made me stupid
13. TWIN defined our friendship which made me love
14. COCOA BUTTA broke me which made me harder

realization

i had it all together at one point. what happened to that time? what changed? where am i suppose to go from here?

Touch Nothing..

Today is saturday the 2nd day of spring like that means somethings cuz its cold outside nice but cold i think its lik 44 high of 50 or something like that.

i woke up today and went and got my refill so finally my nails look nice again i look cute today also btw. i was in there forever cuz the one day i dont go exactly at the time it opens theres lik 20 heads in there ahead of me but its cool *wateva*.

and then i got home and mom and i went out to do something she needed to do then we ate lunch at a korean restuarant (im currently still burping it up) korean food is great ive been eating it since before i was born but the place we went to every week in philly changed hands and it got wack so we stopped going. this place is closer not as authentic but its just as good. if u've never had korean u should definitely try it. yea its a great date adventure or family friendly.


And i currently finished packing and cleaning my room for my move back to RU [BLAHHHH] yea my parents are taking me up in the morning back to that wack ass place yuck. i thought i would have more bags however i have not finished packin my clothes cuz the majority is in the washer [i think they done i gotta hang them up] i just packed everything else.

the current boo bout to get chopped and screwed cuz im givin 80 and he givin 20. oh well i still got my loves my wife [BBJ] and my dimps :) they can love me and give me affection. hence my facebook status and relationship status. cant no one love me like judy except my family. and " the gattery that is niggas and that niggas expell -- ur gonna miss me when im gone". SO TRU.

my song choice: Ciara -- Never Ever

*Dimps*

he had a whole section in "1st Day of Spring" but since it got chopped and screwed by BLOGGER i decided to give him his own post. :)

Dimps is a friend of mine. hes new. well not really new. but newER. hes cute ok hes a tad bit more than cute he has puppy dog eyes, nice lips, nice teeth, good good body. hes an athlete no im not tellin u the team he __?__ for rutgers. yes he goes to rutgers. i know a bad sign. but nevertheless hes cool peoples. i think we gonna become good friends except. the issue of him being a guy doing guy things lik never calling and never texting unless a girl does it first which exhibits uninterestedness in anything..... friendship relationship affair anything. so i have yet to know where ima put him and what ima do with/or to him. ;) in the original post i had yet to pick his nickname it was either "dimples" "dimps" "secrets" or "baby" cuz of his babyface. obviously i picked dimps. u happy? lol anyway back to the issue of wat to do with him. yo no se. we'll see what happens. i dont think he does affairs [he seems too relationshippy] so i dont think thats gonna be the road we go down we either gonna be friends or end up in some form of a relationship which will be difficult because we are both hella busy and cuz i dont know the quality of his kissing which is important cuz we all know that could be a deal breaker. idk either way hes someone to watch out for hes a sneaky one. arent u dimps? ;)

*Smile*

California just called me cuz for *Affection*. he wanted affection and he thought of me. how cute. hes like "a care bear". "hes popeye and my hugs are spinach" lol aww

The Picture

the flower is gerber daisy. its one of my favorites. so if u ever wanted to get me flowers. yup ur right. Gerber Daisys!!!

New Glasses

my new glasses. clark kent meets mad scientist. :) they're VOGUE.

1st Day of Spring

I HAD ALREADY POSTED AND BLOGGER FUCKED IT UP SO THIS IS MY SECOND TIME!!!!!!! SO I WILL NOT HAVE THE MUSIC AND IT WILL NOT BE AS DETAILED AS THE ORIGINAL PREVIOUS ONE!!!

So today is March uhhh March 20, 09 :) had to check the actual date cuz i had NO idea. Its the first day of spring [even tho is was cold] and its my first day back bloggin in a while. im gonna talk about lots of stuff.... so much that they gonna have they own chapters lol. and becuz its spring i changed the background so it can look springyy :) ur welcome so lemme get started... as i go throught i will also be informing u of the songs im playin. just in case u wanted to know. (The Dream: Kellys 12 play [love vs money])

IN FACT I DONT EVEN FEEL LIKE REWRITING EVERYTHING! SO IM NOT GOING TO WAY TO GO BLOGGER!!! IF I HAD BEEN SUICIDIAL U WOULDA JUST KILLED ME!

MY TOPICS WERE AS FOLLOWS ----

SPRING BREAK (or lack there of)

BOYS (single life, pimpin, 5 guys getting shot down, the current boo and his letdown, dimps and how he got his name and who he is)

SCHOOL A.K.A RUTGERS (blahhhh)

FAMILY (they all alive)

MONEY( being poor)

FRIENDS (the few that are loved and the others that just get to say they know me lol)

Public Service Announcement: WHERE THE HELL IS APRIL AND IS SHE NOT ANSWERING MY TEXTS!!???!!!


"Life is not all that is promised, nor is tomorrow" --Franni McDangerous

sad

sad n annoyed...the picture says it all

she has tested 16 men...in the case of shanikea, marcus u r not the father!!!!!

lmao im watchin maury, his mom involved oh snappppppp!! she called that girl interstate 66 with trucks running in and out lmaooooo oh snap the other man is his cousin lol oh shitt he just called her an amusement park!!!!!!

anyway back to the real news...

• im packed and ready to go
• my midterms are over but i got homework for spring break
• i cant wait to leave i hate this place now
• i get paid today :)
• i get to see my familia n boo all week
• im getting fitted for new frames this week yay new glasses
• spring break is today till the 22nd
• gotta get my nails n eyebrows done...and i gotta look for a dress for the cabaret n i need a date n i gotta buy the ticket blah blah
• btw lovesong looked cute yesterday wen i saw him
• n i hung out wit bestie yesterday n laughed
• wat to do this week????....dunno yet
  

hey hey hey

i would just lik to say... abril!!!!!! i said i was gonna vlog and do my tv show first!!!!! u copy cat lol

side note:

stacy dash is SOOO stunning to be in her 40s go head girl.

and another chapter closes...

well i know i've been M.I.A alot recently. im just really busy between class homework sleep eating and work. oh well. my life really doesnt consist of much anymore. the few people i talk to on the regular ...even some of them are getting forgotten about. i gotta get myself together. speakin of that i havent talked to anyone today. to u it might be early but i have usually already had numerous convos about this time. i got reading to do a paper to write a paper to revise and a whole bunch of other homework. butttt i have not eaten or taken a shower yet all i did was send an email check some messages and clean my room...eventually eventually...... well what has happened.. yesterday i disowned a group of people cuz they disrespected me and i expected more from them. i made an agreement not to talk about anything to do with a specific person and i will honor that promise. I went home this weekend. hmm :) my family is crazy i do love them. lol. im by myself..single very much so single (or am i) lol no im playin i am... im not talkin to no one not messing wit no one not stealing anyones boyfriend lol (or am i) lol NO im NOT im just playin. im doing good on my no soda no candy no MR.2 lent giveaways......i have to admit it has been a very hard struggle and im only on like day 7 lol.....i need to go to target... BTW some house crew member from RSC came to livi while i was working yesterday to sign in to work a program and he spelled my scent from the door and named it lol (for the idiots that dont kno its WARM VANILLA SUGAR from bath and body works) it was so cute lol. and i would also like to shout out BBJ for not punching that stupid trick in her face when she broke BBJ'S charger whoooa i woulda lol but we all know im violent. i would like to shout out dizzy for getting that off her chest (power to you). Ricks birthday was sunday : Happy belated..his cards are still on my desk from when i bought them on friday. Abrillll my darling so far away in carajo land but we still love you. Its MARCH my moms bday is at the end of the month....present ideas??? uh spring break is on the 13th to the 22nd...what to do??? i need to take a shower but some stupid trick is in there lol i wonder which roommate it is.....its wednesday right??....hmmmm interesting two more days til the weekend what am i gonna do?? oh NOTHING lol as usual..... guess i'll worry about that when the time comes....btw jean paul gautier (however you spell it) is my new favorite scent ;) hahahaha til next time

to the idea of giving up things....

welll just some points nothing major i know i been slackin.

• everyone reading my blog needs to go to aprils cuz the steve hardy clip is hysterical.
• im going home this weekend
• this week i learned one of the girls i went to highschool with does porn now
• i talk to butta everyday but im starting to doubt something--like the importance that i play
• Lent started today i gave up candy, soda, and Mr. 2
• im gettin annoyed with these bitches i live with being dirty
• i got hella homework to do
• Ricardo's birthday weekend starts today WHOOO HOOO RICK
• im tired
• some people have such horrible taste in clothes
• i cant wait for spring
• an addition --his name will be California
• i wanna drink some soda
• i wanna take a nap
• THANK JESUS I GET PAID MANANA...cuz im poor as shit
• what color should i paint my nails when i get a refill???
• parkside's bday is on the 3rd...why do i know he havin a surprise party??? cuz butta shared to much info when i DONT care. ugh
• im bout to clean my suite the dirtiness is KILLIN me
• people at work are gettin on my nerves
• i need to sleep

the yellow brick road...more like streets wit potholes

its amazing the road you must travel before you get to where you're going. you have ups and downs. falls. sometimes you trip over your own feet. however you continue down this path. a path which has no end and if it does you dont have any clue as to where it is. what a choice. what a leap of faith. what a grey. a maybe. a possibly. because in the end you are hoping that it goes well. you are hoping that you get what you want. you hope that you dont get hurt along the way. that you end up happy. that you end up with what you derserve. But how do we get to that. who decides what we derserve. who is willing to take these blind-folded jumps off tall TALL cliffs. i suppose we all must bear this cross. we must all walk without looking where we are going. however i resist with all of my strength. someone with common sense who knows what is coming will resist with all their strength. i'd rather not fall into a pit of lions because i was trusting of the unseen path i was on. does that make me difficult? does that make me wrong? cynical? hard headed? un-believing in the almighty power of love and trust and faith??....what are those other words everyone says to live by but never follow themselves.... "Live Laugh Love" ha yea whatever. your quick to get that tattooed on you because you think its a good quote however do you really believe that that is the true TRUE world. a real world. that yellow brick road nah more like the street downtown with potholes.

it was a bust!! oh lord :(

the past couple of days were going by mighty fine. no problemos. nothing to worry about. but then people were acting funny. days were getting shorter. i was waiting for phone calls so my day would get better. excited to go shoppin which never happened. fiendin for kfc and taco bell but had no car. it was starting to become a shitty week even wit the hours i talked to butta. i got really excited yesterday to see him. i was trying to find clothes that was more than a tee shirt and jeans but that was actually something i would wear. then i was getting nervous [all the things you want to happen when your about to see someone you spend hours talking to] but in the back of my mind i kept thinkin (wat if, wat if, wat if, is he gonna talk to me, is he gonna look at me, etc) we all know who im talkin about here ok .... id rather not say his name cuz im all fucked up in the head right now over some nigga for no apparent reason cuz that nigga could give two shits. ugh!!!!! and that shit is making me fuck up me and butta.

he was so good lookin tho. hoppin around lord jesus. that boy is fine i managed to avoid him with the help of my nupe nupe (sito spr 08) and bbj and the rest of the world that i knew that was there lol. til the end when the lights were on and i was talking to judy and i know he saw me. i was ok cuz i had seen butta. hes such a cutie. hes such a sweetheart. ugh wtf is wrong wit me??? anyway so F.Q. and some bruhs took us to F.Q.'s house and me and bbj were chillin. then all the people came. marcos was being mean lol then there was the random girls and all the bruhs. so i was conversing with a few of my favorites (drew, troy, butta) and bbj was off sittin down in the corner wit another bruh lol who was too funny HELLA FUNNY it was cool. troy got me oil (which was really good-- the best i've had so far im sorry troy i dont like beach oil lol ) and we were sitting there (standing in the hallway talking about people and laughin and catchin up and drew was tryin to get me to get bbj to have his baby lol.

bbj and i had moved down the hall for some reason idk and we were facing each other when here he comes.. he who must not be named... i felt him coming too OH LAWD i was fine.. no i wasnt i couldnt breathe lol this nigga walked right inbetween us and stared at me the whole time with that look on his face like "i could say something and i could possibly want to but im not going to" ugh!!! its killer!!! i almost passed out. ok ok im being a little dramatic... and then asshole bruh made me go get him for some reason so i had to go fuckin talk to him eww kill me now. id rather not re-live that moment it makes me queasy. i was missing a few regular bruhs that i love (eddie, marv) and i could have did without some that were there. MY LIFE IS OVER!!!! i wanted to text him last night but i didnt. theres no point. i have no reason. why im holding on to this. this is ridick and SO OUT OF character for me. wats wrong wit me????? wat did this nigga do?????

i lik chillin with butta. wat he did was great. i love that he'll hold my hand and grab me. that he dont got a problem with PDA. lol the hallway n elevator was great (i feel like ima cry right now) ut i am. theres a couple tears....(not because he holds my hand lol...just because of it all) but i fucked that up today too cuz that shit had me so confused this mornin. and i was in class talkin spanish and talking to him and translating got my thoughts all fucked up and he called me a weirdo after numerous back and forths... i just wanna go back to not breakin my rule and being an asshole and having no feelings. im starting to like butta and thats bad because people i like and relationships/friendships that we have always go sour. i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry in my bed. im being such a girl. shoot me now. my life is over. ima bitch today :(

on a HAPPIER NOTE: bbj got SLT for livi whooooo hoooo

Mamiii.....Rosie P....Ma....adios mio!!!!

So last night I stayed up late (extra late….4:30am late) talking to Butta…we had started talking like 12:00am… hmm that boy really has something. I’m kinda excited and kinda not. I don’t wanna lose focus and care too much. The only problem I see is the fact that he’s a ______. And we all know I don’t cross those lines except that once and we all know how well that went. Hmm I don’t even know right now. I haven’t been any form of that happy in a while. But I’m just going day by day NOT rushing anything. I don’t wanna screw this up like what happened with Parkside. Im not gonna make any plans or haves ideas about what could happen. Although I know technically the screw up was NOT my fault contrary to popular belief. Especially with what Butta said about it when I came out and told him the issue that we gonna be facing on Thursday. Omega Psi Phi, Que Ruption!!! Cause trying to chill with him and not have people in our business (he says there’s gonna be a lot of ____ and no ones gonna know he’s missing and no one knows we know each other) w/e!! They gonna notice I’m missing tho!!! Ugh…but I do wanna chill with just him. What to do with BBJ??? She suppose to be staying with me and all that hmmm...I don’t want her to leave cause he not staying overnight he gotta go back to Rowan and take his dean back. He’s such a cutie. Butta is the only person I’m talking to. I know crazy isn’t it? Well technically we not talking we just peoples that kinda talk. He said even if we don’t develop into anything else we still gonna be tight because “I’m cool”. (BTW BBJ surprised me in my suite this morning that girl is crazy... she my main though lol I love that girl like family.) Hmm anyway back to Butta…. C.B. was fucking with my mind last night lol. He thinks its funny playing games. Uh huh wait till the roles are switched.omg if he was to kiss me at the house the ____ would have a fit. Then that would be crazy. Speaking of them. I’m going to see F.Q. today awww I love my big brudder. Got to read for class while I’m there. SCHOOL SUCKS. Its ugly outside today looks like it’s going to rain and its dreary and cold. Blah. mmMmm tomorrows THURSDAY!! I’m starting to feel the excitement my arms are locking up in nervousness. Just gotta get thru the day and try not to hype it up too crazy. Oh snappp I gotta focus and do hella homework tomorrow so I don’t spend my day being nervous and ill.

welcome to trinidad

well its tuesday. i been skipping days i know. the drama this weekend thru me off and then i got distracted by a very attractive flirty trini boy. hmmm. hes very interesting i think his name will be smooth cocoa butta. mmMMmmm cuz that boys skin is whoooaa i gotta stop picturing him MUST STAY FOCUSED. only time will tell. he does have a strike against him although its not his fault. gotta see what happens thursday... S.C.B and Parkside all in one place me and bbj are gonna have a crazy time.

time will tell

im pretty much ok with wat happened yesterday. im good. still confused n amazed but its cool. changed our room around today wit peju. bought my & bbj's ticket for thursday. [kinda excited kinda not] washin my jeans n now im bout to do homework....the week starts tomorrow ugh busy busy

U MOTHERFREAKER!!!!!

---Parental discretion is advised---

Well yesterday was “H.V.D.” and although it started well [regardless of the fact that I didn’t have a valentine] it did NOT end well. People who will be named lost their freaking mind during a textual/ Facebook chat-able conversation with me. When do people get off talking bullshit? I have never been one about gossip because I don’t give a fuck about people’s lives unless it involves me but this THIS is ridiculous.

The day started off fine I was awaken by one of my friends because she was scheduled to work and her man was going to take her out and she couldn’t get anyone to cover for her. I thought about it. Then I thought about making up a lie so I wouldn’t have to work and yet NOPE I couldn’t do it. I talked to my mom in-between her two phone calls and she did the whole mom speech “don’t feel bad for yourself, it doesn’t matter you don’t have a valentine, you got to do stuff for yourself, entertain yourself…don’t feel sorry for yourself blah blah” so while I was talking to my mom my girl managed to smash her finger in the car door and start crying and I just couldn’t be mean [partly on the grace of her and partly on the grace of her man who is like family to me] so yup I said I would work for her 12-2 even though I had to work 6-9 because no one else could work it because it was valentine’s day and everyone has a man but me[I never work weekends!!!] I thought HEY GOOD KARMA…I DID A GOOD DEED. Ehhhhh NO god didn’t seem to think that… because I went to work and came back and ate washed some clothes went back to work etc etc WITHOUT feeling bad for myself until I started talking to one of my bruhz and we were talking about the 2 not 1 but 2 dozen roses he sent to his valentine ..[YOU say awWwwWWww now] it was still cute to me but the conversation made me start thinking about Parkside and how we not talking and people that do want me I don’t want etc etc. Soooo yea….. I was watching videos and on Facebook saying Feliz Dia de Amor to my friends when IT happened. The events that will change my life forever. [No one died in the making of this but if he had been in front of me someone WOULD have.]

I’m even going to put the whole conversation [copy and pasted] into this blog so you can understand. But first background. Cameron Smith and I started dating back in November of my junior year of high school. He’s 3 yrs and 11 months older than me. So I was 16 and he was like 20ish. My birthday is in June and his is in July. Sooo we been through many MANY ups and downs. Lots of BAGGAGE. Things my mom says I shouldn’t have to deal with but I loved him/love him/use to love him [u get the picture] use every sense of the word I’ve felt it. Well we’ve made it through four years on the grace of God [I’d like to say on the grace of me not erasing him but I digress] so it all started like 3 days ago.

Rewind 3 days: I was sleeping and he called like 12 times I texted him and he called me back like and I kinda sorta quote: “what sorority are you in? did u pledge one and drop? Have you ever fucked someone named Tom Tim or Ted?” [I KNOW! STAY WIT ME NOW CUZ ITS GONNA GO FAST] I was like what the fuck are you talking about I’m so confused blah blah and he’s like just answer the question because I want to know. This dude that I work with [he just met him JUST started working at his new job hasn’t known this dude for more than a month] said that he graduated in 01’ and he knows you and I showed him a picture and he was like yea her, Francesca she’s the only good looking Francesca I’ve seen and she go to Rutgers my frat be giving it to her heavy blah blah so I was like what the fuck who said it so I can figure out who talking shit and he goes “oh no I can’t give you my source” ARE YOU FUCKN SERIOUS this is a grown man we are talking about so I hung up. TWO HOURS LATER. He texts me like why you hang up? I said that was 2 hours ago and your acting dumb don’t bother me with this bullshit. End of conversation. Now obviously I was upset because why would someone that knows you ever believe something like that. I didn’t speak to him since then.

Fast Forward to the present: I’m on Facebook saying happy valentines to people and I was fine. Perfectly fine. Then I sent Will a message. [Will is his cousin/friend/whatever that lives with him that I met once. That I talk too occasionally meaning I say “hello”, “how are you”, “how’s life”, “where’s cam” basic friendly stuff nothing important. Just being nice because cam likes him and it’s important to me for Will to like me if I’m always going to be there. So the conversation follows thereafter. Follow along now…

Francesca: happy valentines loser

WILL: you didnt even wish me happy vday yet

Francesca: look at chu, hush

WILL: are you mad that I found out about fucking other niggaz at school or you trying to fuck will now, damn I thought you said you was down for me

Francesca: wat [the realization that its cam not will]

WILL: if you want to make it a team thing just let me know

Francesca: wtf

WILL: grimey, lose my # iight

Francesca: whose fuckin will

WILL: you trying to

Francesca: no im not

WILL: so lets just make it a team thing iight

Francesca: lol ur not serious, thats really sad

WILL: from what i hear thats how it goes down at rutgers on you all day, yeah I know

Francesca: of all people thats hella funny cam

WILL: I thought I really meant something to you but u at school going hard and downplaying it to me

Francesca: wtf are u talkin about, who are all these people im fuckin , please let me know, cuz i didnt know i was doing it, but let me know so i can go say thank you and that i had a nice time, your sad and u really believe bullshit that comes outta peoples mouths, about me , me???, thats cool ur soooo important now that u gonna believe some bullshit from COLLEGE, way TO go!! Buddy, sad ass , stay the fuck away from me with this bullshit


MIND U HE JUST MET THIS PERSON!!!! WHO GRADUATED IN 2001!!! I WAS IN LIKE 5TH GRADE. WAS FRAT FUCKIN ME THEN!!!???? BUT HES GONNA BELIEVE SOME BULLSHIT THAT COULD OR COULD NOT BE TRUE JUST BECAUSE THIS NIGGA SAID IT. So since that’s how it “goes down on me all day” and I didn’t know. I feel as if I should start taking applications so I know and can appreciate ALLL this sex that I’m having. because I could swear I just spent 2 months NOT having sex NOT wanting anyone to touch me or kiss me or flirt with me because it wasn’t Parkside. In fact forget it NO apps just stand in a line since apparently I like tag teams FUCKIN RETARD. You don’t even understand the magnitude of my anger last night I thought I had actually lost my mind. I was completely baffled BAFFLED as to how someone could go about something like this in a manner as he did. LET IT BE KNOWN. I let people stay in my life I can erase you with a quickness and not care so please GIVE ME A REASON to be a bitch to you. PLEASE.

LIVID

OH THE ANGER.... U WILL HEAR THE STORY WEN I CAN TYPE UGH!!!!! FUCKIN PPL. THATS Y MY ASS STAY IN MY ROOM.

and so....

Well we all know today is Valentine’s Day and it doesn’t matter if you have a valentine or not it still effects you. If you are single this day is known to you as Single Awareness Day and if you have a heart then it’s the worst day of your life. Lol and being around people in love makes you want to throw up all over yourself like a drunken kid who had nachos at 12pm after 6 shots of vodka and 4 rounds of beer pong at 9am in the morning before a fall semester football game. Me myself? I just eat Chinese and don’t mind that I have no valentine. Why don’t I have a valentine, u ask? Whelp it’s because the person I want doesn’t want me and the people that do want me I could care less about. I know it’s harsh and me not getting what I want is karma for being a bitch 365 days a year. It’s not that big of a deal to me because we all know I’m cold blooded and have no heart so blah BLAH blah to the roses and the chocolates and the big stuffed animals that your special significant other surprises you with. I’d rather make money at work anyway [even though I was secretly hoping that Parkside would pop up outta nowhere having driven the 45 minutes from _______ and surprise me…which isn’t happening but I’m just saying] Anyway so yea I’m happy for those that have valentines on this hallmark holiday. Feliz Dia de Amor o Dia Feliz de Valentinos. Depending on your Spanish…. And if your reading my blog on February 14, 2009 then YOU don’t have a valentine either because I definitely would not be anywhere near a damn computer if I had a valentine especially if it was the one I wanted. Oh welllllll. I’m hanging in there pray for me…

Dia feliz de valentinos....

Happy Valentines Day yall..... i'll post later on today on the day and my feelings towards it lol.... i gotta work 12 to 2 and 6 to 9....everyone else had plans :/ oh well.... im not gonna feel sorry for myself mom says i gotta make plans for myself so.... good mornin Single Awareness Day.....


Soundtrack: Halo -- Beyonce -- i love the video it reminds me of this time i spent... "gimme a kiss" mmmMmm

new face

yea so as u can tell i changed the background. cuz someone ____________ was complaining about he couldnt read it was too bright or some bullshit. so i made it softer. just for u zach lol

Quality vs. Quantity [Parental Discretion is Advised]

SOUNDTRACK: Jodeci --- Freek'n You


--Parental Discretion is Advised--

Aight we all adults I'm just trying to look out for the conservative bunch that read my blog but now I'm going to be reckless wit my mouth as usual. Ok so as the title states this discussion is about Quantity vs. Quality. And we are talking about sex here nothing else not your shoe game not your paper game NOT your collected empty alcohol bottles that sit in your window just sex.

The question of Q vs. Q is brought up often in conversations that deal with sexual intercourse and your personal number. That brings up another topic…..your number [but we'll talk about that later on]...SOOO Quantity by definition is 1. an indefinite amount or number 2. the aspect in which a thing is measurable in terms of greater, less, or equal or of increasing or decreasing magnitude. SO for the dumb people out there that means a big number. And Quality is 1. a degree of excellence. Again for the dumb people out there that means the best of ____. [whatever is in question] in this conversation its sex.

So sex hmmm where to start….its been called many things; sex, sexual intercourse, trim [for the ol' skool black folks], tapping that ass, f**kin, freakin, Knockin Da boots [shouts to H-Town], u wanna Do It ? (wink wink)… and so on and so forth I personally like the term Smashin. Nah mean you see someone that’s fly u be like look you cute and I know I'm sexy...I'm just trying to smash then you can go back to whatever you was doing before lol.

So yea... niggas be acting like they cool cause they freak a lot of girls ha!! not even. If you smash a long list of girls... "it don’t even a matter though [alpha psi]"….. cause if they not working it out BLAH….its just an additional number. Since number keeps coming up I feel I have to make a comment about the idea of the N word…. Your number 1. should NOT be excessive 2. it should NOT be filled with ugly girls and/or boys 3. it should NOT be brought up in every conversation you have 4. it should NOT make you any more of a man/woman [side note: for those of you who think it does…your sadly mistaken] etc etc…back to the topic

For those that have no idea what I'm talking about because you have either 1. chosen to live a celibate life or 2. are still virgins because [enter personal belief here]. That’s cool but what I'm bout to say will not pertain to you….

You know some of yall have sexual relationships with your significant others and that’s cool. Some of yall look for emotional stability within your sexual partners . Some f**k just because. Some think if they have sex with some one they gonna end up getting in/staying in/or fixing a relationship. Some people have sex by mistake and/or on purpose because their friendships cross boundaries and limits into the all to familiar term known as F.W.B. [friends with benefits]. Either way we should all know the difference. Good long-lasting/leg shaking/ body rocking/ important/useful/ feen ending/ cant wait another day to go at it again/ no drama/ no strings attached/ don’t catch feelings sex VS. wasteful/boring/ watching a football game and texting/ thinking about another person/ cant wait to leave and/or kick the other person out/ wasting your precious time cause you could have been doing something else that’s more fun and productive sex. Like one of my beloveds said, " it doesn’t matter how many you have if its not good . U could have 70,000,000 partners but if its not good your just wasting your vagina." lmao she's so educated in the matter to be batting for the good/innocent side.

My opinion is…. look my number isn't 1 and its not 20 either. I don’t go around whorin myself out nor do I go around saying and/or acting like I'm innocent. And I don’t believe in people that make a big deal of having their number be only 1. I just want to go up to them and shout HEY YOUR NOT ANY BETTER THAN ME FOOL!! So what if you like sex. As long as you pay attention and are responsible about your actions have ALL the sex you want!!! [RAP IT UP] Everyone needs to mind their business and keep they mouths shut STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER PPLS SEX LIFES. Stop commenting on things you think you could have seen. Or things you could possibly know. And Quality blah!!! Your number could be one and the quality of your sex life could be horrible so there that goes.

So where does that leave us? Where has our conversation gone? What conclusion have we arrived at? ---- exactly ----A never ending cycle. Its all based on opinion, personal morals and principles. But nah mean don’t get it twisted I'll call outta hoe in a hot minute [yea u too man whores] its whatever

I end with a quote…." no man wants to start off as a good guy and cross over to the bad side" --BBJ

IF I WASNT POOR AS SHIT....

if i wasnt poor as shit i would buy all these mighty MIGHTY fine things that im going to run through with u. Alas i AM poor so the fact of the matter is im just dreaming. falsely living out a shoppin day that i can not fully commit too. as seen here with these beautiful diamond 2 carat earrings ugh....i can feel them weighin my ear lobes down already BUT....ehhh the price which will not be spoken is HUGE and i OF COURSE dont have paper lik that soooooo i will continue to look at those beautiful glistening light reflecting gems on the website. lol ....These wonderfully sarcastic shirts that embody everything that franii is lol. we all kno i say "WORD" and "OH SNAPPP" on a daily basis.... and of course Delias makes the shirt but Delia thinks its cool to sale regular shirts at 24.95 for no god damn reason so thats out because aint NO way in hell im paying $50.00 for TWO shirts ugh... maybe id think about it if i was a trustfund baby. KFC!!!!!! no other words. ENOUGH SAID. yummmm potato wedges and popcorn chicken.. oh i like them snackers too lol. And for all those that get close enough to know my smell is Warm Vanilla Sugar by Bath and Body Works. Its the best smell in the whole world. i end up smelly sugary and sweet all day. i think it smells good so thats really all that matters. And i want ANOTHER new phone cuz im tired of the Tmobile DASH that i have right now. i want the G1 cuz all my friends have it and its hella cool. i just watched lik 20 videos on Marcos' the other day. i love it but IM POOR AS SHIT lol...... ahhh which brings us to the Coach sneakers and ballet flats awww arent they pretty I KNOW.....i want one in like every color ughhhh i have no self control.... ummmm and the beautiful bag cant u just feel the prettyness can u feel the halo around the beautifully sculpted bag hmm so wonderful...... AND THE BIGGEST....i been trying to get these damn NIKEBOOK sneakers for the longest time and i have failed time and time again because IM POOR AS SHIT lol but one day when i get paid.... i will go to the mall -- preferably Woodbridge and buy my soon-to-be-beloved sneakers. beautiful just beautiful.

The Problem of Human Connection A.K.A. That [insert ignorant derogatory name here] aint gettin dey s**t together

Where do we begin to understand the beginning???? When can we understand what we should know as children??? Or is that a common misconception that we already know how to love one another as {ehhh…what’s that word when it’s just instinct….whatever you get the point anyway back to my hypothesis on the complications that we have as human beings seeking the otro/a [other for u NON Spanish speaking folks]} Anyway yes loving someone. [I must have missed that lesson in kindergarten….sing-a-long now…”I LOVE YOU/YOU LOVE ME/ LETS GET TOGETHER AND KILL BARNEY] Caring for someone more then we care for ourselves. That’s ludicrous!!!!!! [I definitely missed that boat…the stupid fool that thought that up was smoking that good ishhh] I’ll be damned if I care for someone more than I care for myself. [not really….. my mind and body has the capacity to accomplish this task however no one has given me a good enough reason to cross the thin line between love and hate] And plus we all know in college right now no one cares about anyone else more than themselves. In college the very very low percentile of human beings [gender u ask…that’s Neither here nor there] that do care for others will soon become those that;

A. fall out of love

B. get pregnant, drop out of school and realize that their baby daddy is a loser regardless of the fact that u met him in college [he was visiting his cousin..that nigga go to CCC/BCC/ECC/ whatever county u in add the CC lol]

C. will soon find out that she f**kd your cousin [the one u was visiting when you came to party at one of the student center parties

D. ALL OF THE ABOVE.

I’m betting on the majority of the college community voting eh… D. ALL OF THE ABOVE. And for the lucky few that surpass the normal-destined-to-happen-and-make-you-break-up-with-your-significant-other-because-you-slept-with-his/her-best-friend step….god bless your soul…give it like a couple minutes after u read my blog. Go thru they phone messages… they hiding SOMETHING. Don’t get me wrong sometimes you can make it Thru.The.Phi-re [Spr 07 Alpha Psi shout out] and see the light..u can see the halo around your loved ones head. BUT…What does it mean to have success? A Successful relationship. What does successful mean? And how can a relationship be deemed successful? Ahhh…. The question of the day… peace love AND franii

DEDICATIONS....

We all know i love youtube. im in the middle of writing papers n bullshittin so i wanted to dedicate videos to ppl in my novella. This is RIN ON THE ROX and i like them so ima use them. :)


TO: MR 2








To: ...PARKSIDE...






TO: MR SMITH

To be Positive or Negative: Thats the damn question.

How can one be unbiased to the selection of a direction that one’s life may soon lead? This is the question that we ask ourselves everyday (not in so many words I’m sure). We all live day by day thinking in one way or another that our life may or may not affect others around us. For the optimistic ones, they walk around believing their hello could save someone’s life or that their long lost love will walk through the nearest door at any moment. That a once destroyed relationship can come back full speed on a simple breath of hello (B.B.J. & Abril). But lets be real people, these things only happen in movies. Yes, tis I, the cynical pessimistic one. I assume the worse so I don’t get hurt when the wonderful unrealistic moments don’t happen. Those glass-slipper Cinderella moments, the “I’ll never let go Jack” Titanic moments, the “Heart don’t fail me now/ Courage don’t desert me/ Don’t turn back now that we’re here” Anastasia moments, the don’t-tomahawk-him-in-the-head “I LOVE HIM!” Pocahontas moments. The moments that you have once in a lifetime. That you never imagine would ever happen to you. Where u lay with [insert name here] and don’t have to say a word, watch them sleep, look into their eyes, kiss their nose, watch the right side of their mouth turn up in a smirk because they know….hmmm what exactly do they know?? Those moments don’t really happen. They don’t exist. Everyone gets hurt and you get hurt faster than you can get a rose on Valentine’s Day or a text message back when you talking to someone that doesn’t have QWERTY or doesn’t know how to use T9. So I pose the question to all who enjoy reading Doble Personalidad, “What to do? To be Positive or Negative?” Am I being cynical and an asshole as usual or am I being realistic and smart. Do people really love the sound of fresh snow underneath their shoes in the winter or do they look for leaves to smash underneath their shoes in the fall?

thank you THANK YOU thank you

im writing this for all those who take the time to read my blog and blogs just like it. i put alot of effort into bloggin. its funn too of course. and i love changin ppls names. but i just wanted to say thanks for showin interest. lik i said ....IF U CARE....its there >>>>

btw: comment on the new juicy campus... (http://collegeacb.com/) lmao this is bullshit. just let it GOOOOOO. sheesh.

ok good night. i need to sleep i got class in the mornin. toodles

the trust challenge

im watchin tool academy...hence the title. (krista is a bitch yo)


hmmm. classes tomorrow. work tomorrow. homework. i gotta call my ghandi. text my ppl. call my mom. normal things. now for the drama.
(cuz we all kno thats wat we tune in for)


i feel lik this is the season to have problems wit dudes in ur life. all of us everyone...bbj, bhb, funny d, me, EVERYONE. oh well. they lie or dont text u or ignore you or dont razzle dazzle ya. ughh.... wats the point??? get it right fools.


miss shy n the twins got problems cuz the twins got into a program that miss shy did not. NOT COOL. i feel like we gonna have issues soon.

i chilled wit ricky and green eyes n their friend..its bad wen u gotta schedule times for chillin wit ur friends. speakin of which bbj bhb n i are going shoppin for que ruption so i can look fly. its in the calendar so u know its IMPORTANT. lol



"if i told u to spend the night with me would u do it"---- first of mr fly u not tellin me nothin! second off maybe. stipulations and all... i'll schedule u. we all kno nothins gonna happen. cuz my mojos gone. so chillin, laughin, SLEEP, comfy bed mMMmm

i cant wait for spring. i get paid friday. gotta pay bills. talk to mom about makn my line seperate. wash clothes. chill wit cuz kenny. buy food. call DELL. stress over the 19th. yay the mall!!!! one of the "ington" gave me a look today hmm i must b seein things.



wat else......



final thoughts: yes im making my life public. so wat????? u wanna be nosey? GET A LIFE. my blog is for me. my friends* r in it cuz they r my life. hence its for my friends. no ppl were harmed in the making of this. just come. learn. live. laugh. love.



*all names have been changed lol

how is this possible????

i would just lik to question the fact that i am single and who i lik [or use to] doesnt lik me. watt????? look at me im a cutie or at least i thought i was... i guess times r changing. idk how grandma expects me to have a boyfriend everytime i come home. im gonna be twenty n have never had someone worthy of meeting my parents n mis abuelos. thats kinda sad. it makes me think wats missing? wat exactly is francesca morales lacking? it use to be just a heart now sheesh it could be anything. since parkside stole my mojo, my common sense, my attention span, my pimp card, lol i aint got nothin. that nigga fucked my shit up lol. n yes ricardo if he aint answerin my messages y do i care cuz u would have answered them b4 i sent them lol. n yes abril i obviously learned my lesson. ima stick to my side. n yes nigerian i moved on...... i dont have time for someone new. n i dont wanna pull someone outta my past for things that i need but havent had in a while lol [hence the stolen mojo]...time yes time pero i want stability i want someone that fits in with my busy life. that can keep me in place n make me laugh and other things. all this "wait it will come".."give it time"..."wen u stop stressin"...BULLSHIT. im busy no time i gotta schedule an appt to wait lmao. besos to everyone who thinks im crazysexycool.

I STALLED HIM??????

wat to talk about hmmm?????????



well lets run down the days that i have missed....

Wednesday: ehhh... seems like so long ago. well i got ready i went to my classes. did i eat lunch?? i dont remember... long day [as most of my days are] um met people [moses and secret handshake] in line at the dining hall so naturally i cut the line WHO CARES....I DO WAT I WANT!! lol wat day was that ohhh chicken night.. secret handshake and i got chicken and was chillin at my spot for a while. good times good times. i havent laughed that much in a while. so funny. yo and he does this thing where he plays wit ur fingernails its so relaxing i was seriously tired.

Thursday: my day off...no busy busy busy. i talked to my mom. i was suppose to have a lunch date with a hummingbird but her car messed up so it got canceled and then i chilled with my F.Q. i love him soooo much hes one of my besties even tho he dont wanna be lik a brother lol oh welll deal with it lol i really do love him tho we mad tight and hella real with each other. the title came from him. he thinks its my fault that parkside isnt speaking. cuz i STALLED HIM????? its not my fault ugh watever. he thinks parkside is stalling me now. and i have to see him lik 5 times this month ugh... judy gonna be my backup she got me on lock...we gonna be owt. gonna look hella flyy too.

Friday: meetings. class. homework. work. chillin and talkin. food. wait. food???? what did i eat hmmm??? i actually dont remember eating not [im bullshittin right now watchin For The Love Of Ray J...takin forever to post] ummm....friday friday friday????? oh i came home after livi the girls talked about rush. i changed. went to chill wit my boys downstairs for a while. and then came up got in bed and went to sleep...i was textin of course.. and then i fell asleep.

Saturday: what to do today?? uh homework.... nothin really....straightenin my hair. cleanin my room. right now im bloggin obviously...somewhere in there ima eat today... and uhh yea homework... not really exciting weekend for me. texting of course yes texting

mornin thought

i got 3 classes today and work. so a morning thought and im quoting someone.

"How you have lived affects what you are able to see." --

Judy and I texted parkside last night. no answer. just like i thought oh well. Que Ruption on the 19th lol fun times too come.

gotta get ready for section.

you got me.....in your arms lost for words...you got me

so im at work where i normally do most of my posts because im just sitting in front of a computer doing homework for hours and i decided i wanna talk about my current issue. the title u ask? oh thats just a song me and the FM on duty are listenin to.


ISSUE AT HAND: remember when i said i wasnt talkin to someone well i kinda am. and hes good for me. hes nice and normal and smart and has all his stuff together but theres no spark. he kissed me and there was.... NO FYAH.... nothing i kinda was actually thinkin about something else i think. and that made me think besides him i havent really talked to anyone after parkside WHICH is why i feel that parkside jacked all my shit up. how can someone who you barely touched give u such a reaction weeks later. lik im over him. sorta. i dont like him anymore. kinda. but damn that boy is fine. like hella hella fine. even my mom said he was cute and she always says i have bad taste. and hes smart and graduating and going to grad school. and when hes home hes like [max]10 minutes away. and did i mention that man is fine. ugh.... whoa. ANYWAY back on topic so yea.... im trying to figure out what to do. like parksides an asshole we ALL know this but if we got pass that it could work and everything OR i could try with _______ and see where that goes. any ideas????


i would just like to say as a [p.s.] if mr. 2 was mine we wouldnt have this issue. if only he were mine. finally. just mine. period. end of story. i wish you were mine. i wish i was the one. but im not. im just the friend. just a past.

with you is where id rather be/ but we're stuck where we are/and its so hard/so far/ this long distance is killin/i wish that you were here with me/ can you hear me crying

How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company! It's beyond me.

"At certain times I have no race, I am me."

---zora neale hurston

I would just like to say i have a GREAT number for the housing lottery. 1340!!!!! and i know people on the above 10,000 range so im good to go. im hopin for a single and my ppl said its a good number so heres to hoping. :)

Secondly: classes today hmmm.... lit study wasnt that bad. i woke up on time got to class on time. i was great. got back to busch. got take out. called my madre. went in my apt. was reading and sleeping. went to my second class. that class was funny today.. "what is LOVE?' [no answer lol] ok..... "what is love in Tess?" lmao... now im at work reading for my next class WHICH i cant stand. i hate this class. the professor is an idiot i can NOT stand him. "do you understand?" UGH..... at least josh in the class wit me... and then home to do spanish homework for tomorrow

Thirdly: my stomach hurts idk y tho. speakin of my stomach im gettin alittle chubby in that region. not cool gotta start workin that out i refuse to not be in shape. even if i dont speak gym.

Cuarto: This mornin when i work up i saw the dumbest thing. I swear people pull shit outta no where they so random with their relationships and all that. Prada is an idiot. What was i ever thinking.

Cinco: IM HELLA TIRED.

Seis: hmmmm is there a six?? im sure there is. oh.... many men many many many many men.... lol i only been talkin to mr. fly. everyone else is shot out. mr smith comes and goes when he feels lik it [like he always has]. and no one else is really worth me fitting them into my schedule. its hard enough fitting my friends in. [and i kno everyones wonderin...nope parkside has dropped off the face of the earth...i almost think its no longer a part of camden lol]

LATINA FOOOOLLL

cant be like me if u wanted to....



we flyy u dont gotta tell us we KNOW



LOVE IT!!!

80s vs 90s

wat song was playin????


my flyy girls



chijioke and judy




judy and rachel

rollin wit my homies.....

ok so its sunday after noon now and since im chillin i can catch you up with the past few days events.


Thursday: i was at work a long long time. i was doing spanish homework and laughin and talkin about losers that like to act hood over text but talk under their breath in person lol. Then i went and chilled wit mr. 2 for a little while.. quality time awww.....now not really we was beating each other up and being mean lol thats real lub [we abuse the limits of our friendship]


Friday: wat did i do friday? ummm.. oh yea i had women of color session then i had spanish class on livi. [ im really gonna like that class] then i left livi to go back downtown to buy things for spanish class and my last minute small things for my costume for the 80s vs 90s party. [HELLA FUN] photos to follow but all of them are on my facebook. i was Latina cerca 1995 in the Los Angeles, California area lol. it was brick outside that night, ridick cold but im a thug so i rocked it out..... 80S VS. 90S!!!!!! so like i said i had fun there were a lot of 80s not alot of 90s. amber p. was Aaliyah cerca "one in a million" lol. um good music great music that gets you dancing i havent had that much fun in a while A LONG TIME.... aww and my favorites [the royal family]were strolling...ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME.... umm i love my favorites---- JUDY, AMBER P, ABRIL---then i made the trip home in the cold. got ready for bed talked to Mr. Fly and went to sleep after posting my pictures :)


Saturday: so i woke up at 7am to wait for the L weekend bus to come up on next bus. then i got ready went to rsc to set up for MLK Day and all that. people annoyed me. we broke into the building. the FM wasnt on time. anyways.... i had judy so i was good. my group went to the george street playhouse and we did STUPID STUFF.. but i get to get free tickets to one of their shows so im happy :) then i went to see mr fly for a while then some sigmas [love them] then i met judy at stuf ur face those wings r good!! then i went home ate and went to sleep. lol sleep sleep sleep.


Sunday: Im awake. i kept wakin up every two hours last night. missing someone :/..... uh hungry too. jess and kim are here everyone else is gone. its superbowl sunday and the IOTAS are havin some big bash and then i got hella reading to do so ima be home and awake doin homework. hmmm... gotta take a shower and wash my knotty hair.... u will see why its knotty.. 80s vs 90s ha my hair was huge lol. tomorrow starts another long week 14hr days and no sleep. eat once and day keeps the hunger away. back on the grind....

Talkin to my beloved Miss Ford at VSU. i miss her. my soldier.

busy busy busy

soo... fast catch up.....

1. Im hungry probably gonna get chinese tonight after i get off work and after i leave the library.

Hong Kong is mighty tasty probably gonna get the same things i do all the time.

2. My idea for the party tomorrow. -> I wanna be like one of the background dancers in the "Like a Boy" video. cool cool. Did i mention it was a Phi Beta Sigma Party.. lol we kool like PBS kids lol.

3. And saturday is the MLK Day on my campus. Im in charge of it. lol fun times at 8 am. :)

SNOW DAY!!!!!

Its a snowy day but alas thanks to rutgers university it is not a snow day. BASTARDSS! um in my room awake its hella early but i had to check if we had school cuz i got alot of stuff to do mad early today. shit right now i should be getting ready and packin a bag lots of moving around to do before my 9:50 class at FH-A1. river dorms holla :) i almost gave up last night n texted him. but judy aint answer me so i fell asleep. uhhhh

Valentines Day is coming up. uh yea... so pretty much enough said. naturall we all kno im going thru a rough period right now so i doubt anything will be happenin on the lovely cold saturday in Febuary. btw i pretty much kno nothings gonna happen cuz he and his group are throwin a party so yeaa... we not gonna make up in the comin weeks and im not going there for the weekend. [i changed my spanish class now i have a friday class but no thursday classes lol w/e] so yea anyway.... its taken me a little over a week to be over it and in franii time thats hella long its cool i guess. maybe i'll stay home and eat chinese do Hong Kong deliver on valentines day...eat some candy drink some soda lay in bed and take the day off from homework.... thats cool i guess. hmmm not really oh well wat can i do? nothin. it will just be another day lik it always has been.

btw its hella cold out and STILL snowin so this whole the campus is up and runnin bullshit is for the birds yo. hella dumb. i gtg. gotta get ready to do some fast moving around before class.

the best friends are friends w/ benefits

so... i went to get my refund check and they said come back at 3.... i had other stuff to do and the bank closes at 3 so i gotta get it at 8:30am tomorrow when they open go deposit it buy my books go to my class. go home read.eat. go to class. work somewhere in that day i think. call my mom so i can tell her how much i spent.[im soo soo tired and i got work at 9 its 5:13 right now and i got reading to do...so oh well]

my title is about a picture i have that my cousin kenny admired lol. it hangs up in my room. its a great picture. lol stick figures lol. my eyes are burning. but yea "the best friends are friends w/ benefits" INTERESTING concept.

So i been by myself alot lately cuz of my 14 hr days.. well not alone per se cuz i see ppl all the time and i stop and talk and spend time texting [number of texts] texts a day and a month.. how many mom? anyways.... but yea just chillin and i freaked out yesterday cuz parkside put on his status [ _____ _______ is missing somebody ;) ] and for a second i thought it was me and then my friends brought me back down to earth and i realized it wasnt. and i was talkin to gumby :0 [i just made that name up for him yay] and he was askin about it and blah blah... no names of course i didnt say who. but it was blank this morning...and yea still no answer or anything so im slowly gettin over it. this is why i dont lik ppl lol cuz it happens so few few few times and when it does i try and then it fails so yea. i really love that picture of Mr. President and the First Lady :)... the Obamas. i need a power nap cuz im fading horribly fast and i still got hrs left in my schedule uhhh.....

my song of the day:

Jazmine Sullivan: In love wit another man [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IIF9IAQSnU]

i put a gun up to his head/ pulled the trigger now hes dead

Long post to follow: many things to cover.

1. Work: is starting to annoy me because someone that we work with is bi-polar. someone that we work wit is lazy. and then everyone else is normal lol. [except some locas that work on work study wit me] and side note: i wont get paid til the 13th damn this wrk study system of not paying for the weeks just worked ughh... watever i need the money.

2. Money: im very poor. end of story. period. point blank. and im bout to get my refund check and spend a ****load of money on my books for class. so that i can go back to being poor in a matter of a hr.

3. Sleep: ehhh.... yea sleep is not an option im tryin to get in at least 6 cuz my days are so long but we'll see

4. Eating: ehhh.. yea about that im tryin to at least eat one meal a day but sometimes that gets overlooked too

5. Friends: ha u see me when u see me.... cuz its the batcave for me.... u lucky if i text u :) seeing me is another issue all together

6. MySecretLoves: i really dont wanna be bothered. my days are long enough as is.. i just need space. i found being home during winter break wit my mom was relaxing. i needed that. i just need space. i dont want us to break up cuz i still love u but i think i just need to breathe.

7. I miss my mom. the end.

8. Books: oh lawdyy lawdyy lawdyy im bout to spend a boat load of money on books lol sorry i had to say that again

9. Classes:

• Spanish: im trying to switch because i just cant take the uno dos tres... anymore... hopefully i get the next one
• Victorian Lit: hes funny lots of reading tho.. Tess is right now... that class is packed.

...... gotta leave work...to be continued.

[so i left that was 12pm its now 5pm]

• i was talkin about Vic Lit-- so yea hes funny i like him. its alot of readin. speaking of which. i gotta read while im at work.
• Lit Study: its just more reading. the professor for lecture is really annoyin. my TA for section is ok i guess.
• BLACK LIT: now listen closely cuz this class is gonna piss me off weekly. the reading [i dont mind] the books [theres alot]-- i dont even mind but my professor ALOO is ridick. if he keeps sayin "do u understand what i mean", "does that answer ur question" -- ima kill myself. u gotta strain to hear what hes tryin to say thru his accent. and that class! those ppl! i swear that class is just for white ppl to be able to talk about blacks. "white bob and black bob" wtf that class made me so mad on monday. i wanted to come home and write a niceeee long blog but i had hw and other stuff to do and i was hella tired. [14 hr days here ppl] :/
• macro: yea.... its just that nothin exciting nothin exciting at all

u got me speechless.....yessss yesssss yesssss

so obviously this is me -> im just chillin. its sunday nothin exciting today. just reading n being inside. i got a work meeting later on livi but til then i will be inside my apartment being my normal self. playin music annoying Peju and eating lol.





My PLAYLIST. -- for now that is lol

• Beyonce: Speechless
• Jill Scott: He Loves Me
• Ne-Yo: Stop This World
• Ne-Yo: Back to What You Know
• Ne-Yo: Single
• Ne-Yo: Mad
• Ne-Yo: Parts of the List
• Ne-Yo: Fade into the Background
• Sade: King of Sorrow

Right now im reading Tess of the D'Ubervilles for my Victorian Lit class and even tho i kno its suppose to be a good story [i spark notes it] lol its so hard to read maybe its just early chapter jitters. i have 4 classes tomorrow and probably work ugh tomorrow gonna be a long day. Spanish 8:10 Lit study 9:50 Vic Lit 2:50 Black Lit 7:40..... oh and its suppose to be in the 30s tomorrow CHILLY CHILLY much. I really wanted to go home today. thats how much i hated yesterday i wanted to go see my mom.

Ne-Yo: "This is impossible. We'll never work cuz u dont want it. go back to wat u kno. i'd rather u happy than miserable wit me." [Back to what you Know]

Anyway so yea PBS are starting THE BLUPRINT their Sigma week and church is today at LSH on livi at 5 but its church not mass--As we all know im Catholic-- so ehhh Todd said he doesnt think God will mind lol. the week ends wit 80s vs. 90s on friday--still have NO OUTFIT!!! idk if im even going i think i would get massacred if i didnt tho ehhh ok i gotta think of something. im thinkin 90s not 80s. me and Peju just had a convo about it hmmm. anyway so yea.......

in regards to that picture -> naturally we all kno that is not my mouth lol but i liked the picture so deal wit it. its the message that i liked. not the stupidity of writing on your lips in ink lol. lets do a rundown.

• Mr. 2: i saw him yesterday :) hes a pain in my ass but i still lub him dearly. eating all my damn candy and drinkin my apple juice.
• Mr. Smith: has NOT been answerin my messages so yea all that can go to hell. idk wat im suppose to do wit him/us. any ideas
• Mr. Fly: amuses me but ehhh no... lol
• Mr. dress to impress: havent seen him since friday..interesting character
• Parkside: does NOT exist.... [my nigerian: u just gotta be patient and do da lonely nites.. and one day it ll change]
• Lovesong: i havent heard from him in a while..... idk idk [smh]
• Prada: is back being on his asshole shit.. [that was a mistake]
• Young boul: is on his secret secret shizz :(

theres more but who cares... they all end up in the bin anyway....

abril and judy will love me enough : ) maybe they love me more then i love myself mmmMMmm :*

side note: i still miss my mom...