the past couple of days were going by mighty fine. no problemos. nothing to worry about. but then people were acting funny. days were getting shorter. i was waiting for phone calls so my day would get better. excited to go shoppin which never happened. fiendin for kfc and taco bell but had no car. it was starting to become a shitty week even wit the hours i talked to butta. i got really excited yesterday to see him. i was trying to find clothes that was more than a tee shirt and jeans but that was actually something i would wear. then i was getting nervous [all the things you want to happen when your about to see someone you spend hours talking to] but in the back of my mind i kept thinkin (wat if, wat if, wat if, is he gonna talk to me, is he gonna look at me, etc) we all know who im talkin about here ok .... id rather not say his name cuz im all fucked up in the head right now over some nigga for no apparent reason cuz that nigga could give two shits. ugh!!!!! and that shit is making me fuck up me and butta.
he was so good lookin tho. hoppin around lord jesus. that boy is fine i managed to avoid him with the help of my nupe nupe (sito spr 08) and bbj and the rest of the world that i knew that was there lol. til the end when the lights were on and i was talking to judy and i know he saw me. i was ok cuz i had seen butta. hes such a cutie. hes such a sweetheart. ugh wtf is wrong wit me??? anyway so F.Q. and some bruhs took us to F.Q.'s house and me and bbj were chillin. then all the people came. marcos was being mean lol then there was the random girls and all the bruhs. so i was conversing with a few of my favorites (drew, troy, butta) and bbj was off sittin down in the corner wit another bruh lol who was too funny HELLA FUNNY it was cool. troy got me oil (which was really good-- the best i've had so far im sorry troy i dont like beach oil lol ) and we were sitting there (standing in the hallway talking about people and laughin and catchin up and drew was tryin to get me to get bbj to have his baby lol.
bbj and i had moved down the hall for some reason idk and we were facing each other when here he comes.. he who must not be named... i felt him coming too OH LAWD i was fine.. no i wasnt i couldnt breathe lol this nigga walked right inbetween us and stared at me the whole time with that look on his face like "i could say something and i could possibly want to but im not going to" ugh!!! its killer!!! i almost passed out. ok ok im being a little dramatic... and then asshole bruh made me go get him for some reason so i had to go fuckin talk to him eww kill me now. id rather not re-live that moment it makes me queasy. i was missing a few regular bruhs that i love (eddie, marv) and i could have did without some that were there. MY LIFE IS OVER!!!! i wanted to text him last night but i didnt. theres no point. i have no reason. why im holding on to this. this is ridick and SO OUT OF character for me. wats wrong wit me????? wat did this nigga do?????
i lik chillin with butta. wat he did was great. i love that he'll hold my hand and grab me. that he dont got a problem with PDA. lol the hallway n elevator was great (i feel like ima cry right now) ut i am. theres a couple tears....(not because he holds my hand lol...just because of it all) but i fucked that up today too cuz that shit had me so confused this mornin. and i was in class talkin spanish and talking to him and translating got my thoughts all fucked up and he called me a weirdo after numerous back and forths... i just wanna go back to not breakin my rule and being an asshole and having no feelings. im starting to like butta and thats bad because people i like and relationships/friendships that we have always go sour. i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry in my bed. im being such a girl. shoot me now. my life is over. ima bitch today :(
on a HAPPIER NOTE: bbj got SLT for livi whooooo hoooo
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